"Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"

I find myself doing that every once and a while. Looking back. Wondering. Realizing.

Realizing isn't always easy. Sometimes it's hard. Realizing--something suddenly coming to light, that light bulb moment--isn't always a happy thing.

I've been doing lots of realizing lately. Mostly about myself. Realizing those things that have been hiding right in front of my face for years and now, for whatever reason, I can suddenly see them as if they've always been there. Because...well...they have. I just didn't want to see it.

As my 5 year-old so profoundly stated the other day, "Mom, you can only lie to yourself."

So true, my young Yoda. So true.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it has something to do with getting closer and closer to turning 40. Because I'm going to be 40...someday. Maybe I'm just maturing enough to see things as they really are instead of how I wish they were. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for the change.

I've realized things about my weight and my issues with food (i.e., eating what I want, whenever I want and that I can't do it). I've started to realize that I spend too much time worrying about tomorrow instead of enjoying today. I've realized that my kids are growing up very, very fast and I need to enjoy their youth before it's gone.

I've realized that I truly don't care what other people think, that I like who I am, who I've become, and my opinion is the only one that really matters. I've realized that I have enough, that I've been blessed by God with more than I need.

Yes, realizing is a good thing. It encourages me to keep look forward. Moving ahead. Eyes front and focused on the positive.

Because usually, when I waste time and look back, I realize that my butt is way bigger than I realized.

And that's never good.