Unmotivated

I'm going to take a minute to complain...about myself.

Noticed I haven't been blogging very much? Well, for the twenty people out there who read my blog occasionally, perhaps you've noticed.

I really have no motivation to write right now. I know it probably has something to do with being busy with the holiday season and all, but I'm afraid it's perhaps a little bit more.

When the boys were little I felt like I had a lot to write about. They did cute things that made for cute columns. They did crazy things that made for funny columns. Now, they mostly are just annoying, which really doesn't make for much of a very good column at all.

That's right. I'm going to blame my writer's block on my children.

I think it also has something to do with feedback. I'm not trying to blame my readers too, but writing is a solo sport. I'll get a random email from a reader every once in a while, but after a while it's like, "Why exactly am I doing this again?"

My sweet friend, Kim, sent me some feedback that she had gotten from some of her friends who read my column. I keep the email with all of the compliments in my inbox and read them to remind myself that I really don't suck all that bad.

I wish I could say that I do it because I love it. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I do still love to write. When I get a good idea and the house is quite and I don't have a thousand other things I should be doing, I love it. But what I hate is that my writing has become one of "those" things; just one more things that's on my "To-Do" list.

So here I sit. In the middle of the road. Not sure if I want to continue moving forward or if maybe I should just sit here and let my battery recharge for awhile. You wanna know something? I have written a column, without missing a week, since February 4, 2007.

Maybe I just need a break. Maybe it's like taking a vacation away from your kids--you like them so much better when you return.

Don't worry. I have no intention of quitting my blog. I just need to rediscover my motivation. Maybe Santa will bring me some for Christmas?

2 comments :

Rita Ortloff said...

Noooooo! Don't stop!

You're my inspiration!

Although, my 5 year old is fast approaching the "annoying" stage. I get it.

Stacey said...

You know what Stephanie, I have been struggling a bit in the same way, except it seems to be encompassing every aspect of my life. My issue was nailed last night as I was reading Sacred Waiting by David Timms. (I highly recommend it by the way!)

He said this, "We walk with God so we can serve Him well." (and here's the clincher...) "If your struggling, perhaps its because the work flows not from your walk but from your will."

It startles me almost to realize that the things I do should be a result of my walk with Him and His presence and that I'm just now waking up to that. My will alone cannot sustain anything.

You are simply beautiful and I love your blog! May you be refreshed as you take this time!